Talking to our spouses


We belong to a culture where the man almost always has the upper hand and where men are generally not raised to be respectful towards their wives. Nobody watches their tones- something that my mother has always taught me and my brother to be extremely mindful of. So much so that it has made us especially sensitive to even the slightest changes in tone. We were always taught to be polite no matter who we were talking to- not just in our words but even in the way those words were said.

In everyday conversation, I have noticed, the men in our culture have crude tones with their wives, while the women are almost always extremely polite and cordial. These are not bad men or bad husbands. No, they are loving husbands, they are good husbands, but I hear no politeness. A lot of wives do this too.

I strongly believe that goodness towards your spouse also includes the way you talk to them. Be kind, have a loving tone, check yourself to not sound crude. When the wrong tone is taken, sometimes it doesn’t matter what you said. The packaging does matter. It shows respect and love, and it sets the tone for how others should speak to your spouse. If you speak to them politely and with loving tones, others take a cue. If you are rude with them, people start to slowly believe that it’s okay to talk to them that way- that their tone doesn’t matter.

Do you feel the same way, or is it just me who is so sensitive about tone and always notices it, and believes that the right tone is absolutely essential especially when talking to your spouse?

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